Do you think motherhood is over hyped ?? Especially in our nuclear family set up where the dads do so much or probably are equal contributors in the kids’ lives. You know I’m so sick of ladies with the mindset that just by being the mom makes us love the baby more and feel their pain and be much more selfless. This gets me seething with rage at times. These days the dads are so hands on. Gone are the days when the husbands returned from work to expect a well dressed and fed baby so that they could mumble some ‘kuchie koos’ and go back to their evening paper while drinking their tea. It doesn’t happen any more.
I remember we were living in Noida when we had Daughter. Us being from Calcutta didn’t have any family with us other than my mum at that time. I had a C-section delivery so was not able tend to Daughter right from the beginning other than feeding. That too, since I was having trouble breast feeding her we had to depend upon formula quite a bit which when hubby was at home took care of. I remember he was one of those dads who changed a dirty diaper and cleaned her with so much expertise and yet was so gentle with her. I would often watch thinking if I could be as good. See, this was the period when I couldn’t sit straight on bed and my mum was there so if he wanted to avoid it, he could just hand her over to my mum. But he took up parenting very seriously and wanted to be hands on from the very beginning.
Like I mentioned in one of my earlier post we had moved to the US around the time she was 7 months. So we were pretty much on our own from there on. Me being a stay-at-home-mom was left with the baby the whole day but once he returned he made sure he helped me in every possible way. And trust me I didn’t shy away from taking help. Here I have come across so many women who refuse their husband’s help and later bitch about it. Those are kind of double standards, don’t you think ??
Its not just me and hubby here but I’ve been fortunate enough to see many such dads who are so involved in their childrens’ lives. We have a friend here and they have two kids . Sometimes when we meet for the weekends believe me between hubby and him the kids’ are well taken care of. There have been times when hubby and he gave the kids their baths, fed them and and put them to bed while we girls’ went shopping. I think there are quite a few woman who underestimate their husbands or are not confident enough. When I talk to people back in India, so many of my relatives are taken aback when I tell them some of the things that hubby does. Their argument being since I stay at home I should be able to take care of the home single handedly. I can’t understand this logic, just because I stay at home doesn’t mean I want to slog always. I have my bad days, low days or days when I am being plain and simple lazy.
Another thing that irritates the hell out of me is with people who think that now that I’am a mommy all my inner desires are gone and if I think about having fun without Daughter thats selfish. Believe me, I love her with all my heart but sometimes I need a break. Living, breathing and always acting like a mommy doesn’t work for me. I need those breaks from time to time so that I am fresh and happy. I take my me- times very seriously. I function much better with them and that definitely helps me de stress . I think when I am happy thats when I am at my best. If thats being selfish then I am happy to be one.