Do you feel guilty for snapping at your child just because you are in a hurry/stressed/running late/too much workload/or any other reason for that matter ?? I have fallen in a vicious cycle or so it seems. I yell – feel guilty – try to behave for a couple of days – something or the other is in my mind
(again) when Daughter does something and I Yell again – the cycle continues.
Often these days I take a lesson from my Daughter. Like today when we were playing together. I was pretending to be a little girl and she was supposed to be my big sister. The game was thought up by her. But while playing I deliberately didn’t follow her instructions. She kept explaining it to me and I kept ignoring. After it went on for some time, she came to me. Held my face in her hands so that I would look at her and calmly stated, ” Mommy, remember how you like me to listen when you give me assignments. I would appreciate if you would listen to me too.” She was poised, calm and articulate. I just stared at her wondering why I couldn’t be as calm when she didn’t listen.
Few days back, we were having a mommy-daughter time cuddling and acting crazy on the living room floor. After sometime we were tired and she lay on my hand. We were pretending to watch stars on the ceiling 🙂 . I asked her if she was having fun, and she silently nodded. Then she went on to tell me that she loved it when I was happy and not mad at her. I told her gently that she is a good girl and I’am not always mad at her. I also apologized for being impatient at times and told her I’am working towards being more patient. Once again what she said next showed me what a sensitive child she is. She simply said,” mommy I know you are trying. I also know that you are often busy but I’am just a little kid. Sometimes I don’t understand if you just tell me stuffs once. Please don’t be mad or irritated when there are toys all over. Remember I don’t do it on purpose, I just forget. I love you and I don’t want to do things to upset you.” I really wanted to cry that moment. At how mature she sounded. I just hugged her.
I also thought hard that day. I questioned my reactions on a number of occasions. And in the end I was pretty ashamed of how I was dealing with things. I honestly felt that sometimes I’am setting a bad example. What am I teaching her subconsciously ?? That if you are stressed for whatever reason then it’s fine to bite other peoples head…..that it’s fine to snap and snarl at your near and dear ones…. Is that how I want her to deal with stress when she grows up….And in all honesty I have a pretty perfect life. There is really no big stresses apart from the normal ups and downs. While I really don’t want to give my Daughter the impression that life is one big fairytale, I also don’t want her to grow up before its time. Because contrary to what we think, they are pretty receptive towards our moods. They pick up the general vibes pretty easily.
And the other things about me that I’am so irritated are – **why am I in a constant hurry?? **Why do I need to have things in their rightful place all the time?? **Why do I need to plan every minute detail and why does all plans have to have a plan B?? **Why does not having a plan freak me out so much?? **Why am I becoming such a control freak?? After all I am not running a marathon. I have decided to be easy on myself and on others around me. So I made a promise to myself that I would be more patient and try to control my emotions. I’ll take each day at a time.
I am in the second week of the new me. So far so good 🙂 . Let’s see how long I’am able to be true to my promise. I like the way I’am dealing with things. There are also less arguments or tiffs with the hubby. In all the house is a happy place.