What can I say about today that I’ve not already mentioned here and here. I’ve tried keeping myself busy and ignored all the inner voices. The voices to which if I listen, I’ll be pulled down and down to a very dark place. It’s a day I’ve dreaded for the last 6 years !! One thing I’ve come to realize is grieving has no expiration date. Even though it gets better but the gaps never quite get filled. You just learn to live with them. Just when you think you have come to terms with everything life throws you a certain memory that opens the floodgates and pulls you along.
You would have been 63 last year, had you been alive. Do you look at your friends who are enjoying a retired life now and wish you were here with us too ??
Do you hear me when I talk to you ??
You went exactly the day after Daughter turned 14 months old…. Have you seen her lately ?? Do you feel proud of the beautiful little girl that she is growing up to be ?? Does it make you sad that she doesn’t have any real memory of you ??
Do you feel sad that life didn’t give you a chance to be a doting grandpa just for a little while longer ??
Do you still secretly make fun of mum when you see her coloring her hair ??
Do you still chide me or get irritated when I drive too cautiously or if I take a too wide turn ??
Do you still take hubby’s side when we are fighting ??
Do you still think I’m immature and have not really seen the harsh realities of life ??
But one thing I know is I still miss you. I still miss seeing your smiling eager face in the crowd at the airport when we reach Kolkata.
I still miss making elaborate plans of any and everything with you.
But like every year I know I just have to get used to the fact that you aren’t coming back. I’ll just make my peace by saying a silent prayer hoping that you are at a better place enjoying and looking down upon us with a smile.