How I’m hating this current state of mind. I have always hated changes. Any little change scares me. It really frightens me and gives me sleepless nights. I’ve said many times that inherently I’m a planner. I have to have a plan and then a backup and a backup for the backup if possible. It just helps me sleep better.
Unlike some I can’t jump into a decision and think life will take care of it. I wish I had that kind of guts. By jumping in I don’t necessarily mean crazy decisions but those when you think things through and go for it with optimism and not a backup plan. While I’m certainly not a pessimist but I surely lack that sense of confidence and optimism.
So when life threatens to take new paths without the security of the backup plan, my stress level promises to touch the sky. I’m holding to the threads of sanity and trying to be calm. I masking my turmoils in a smile but feel deflated when during breakfast Daughter asks, ‘are you alright mommy, you kind of look tired’. So much for making jokes and singing out loud. I assure her I’m fine and hope that she doesn’t get the whiff of my worries.
It’s rare in my life, when I want to go back in time. I’m generally a person who loves to live in the today. But these days I find myself in this unfamiliar spot where I have this urge to go back and do certain things differently. I just pray that this phase passes and I’m able to see things with a little more clarity and optimism.
Blogathon 2017 #Day19