When I yelled – Day 78

On Tuesday, I was having a bad day. Well not exactly a bad day but I was stressed and on the edge. I was going about fine doing my stuff and not reacting to a lot of things in fear of overreacting or loosing it. I kept telling myself to be calm and just get over with the day.

Every thing was under control till I reached the bus stop to pick up Daughter. It was cold and raining pretty bad. I saw Daughter getting off the bus and taking her sweet time to walk while the others were hurrying to their cars. But no, mine was walking without her hoodie up and didn’t seem to be in any hurry. The moment she opened the car door with a big smile, I lost it. I yelled and yelled and yelled. She told me sorry about 10 times in that .2345sec drive back home. Even though my heart and head kept telling me I’m overreacting over nothing but my mouth refused to shut up.

Anyway as I always do after giving her a fruit, is check the homework folder. I opened her backpack and found her folder missing. Now for the record I must mention this child has never forgotten or misplaced anything ever. But instead of asking what happened, I lost it again. She kept telling me that she clearly remembers putting her folder in the backpack but it fell on deaf ears. Once again I started acting like I was possessed. I started yelling. Poor girl started to cry. She was crying buckets of tears and was scared that she lost her homework folder. I showed no mercy. I didn’t hug her, never for once said it’s no big deal. On the contrary I did everything that the books tell you not to.

Few minutes later, I hear a knock on the door. I open to see an unknown face. It seems she’s a mom of a 5th grader. Her 5th grade son goes in the same bus. He played a prank on Daughter and sneakily got the homework folder out thinking it would worry Daughter. His mom hearing that was very mad and looked up our address from the school directory and was here to return the folder. I thanked her. She asked her son to apologize to Daughter and hugged Daughter herself.

Soon they were gone. I remember not being able to look at Daughter for a while. I was ashamed of myself. She was still sobbing, and I felt tears trickling down my cheeks. What I did was unforgivable. In my stress and frustration, I yelled at Daughter for no fault of hers. She didn’t know why I was behaving like I was and in all innocence thought everything was her fault. I hugged her and honestly told her I was having a bad day. But even to my ears they sounded pretty lame.

She has forgotten the incident and every time I apologize she brushes me off. But I know this incident will stay with me for a very long time if not forever. I just hope I’ve learnt my lesson and I never repeat this kind of unforgivable behavior ever again. And no matter what anyone says I know this kind of behavior is unacceptable and it’s not fine. 

While this isn’t a happy post but I’m glad I took the responsibility and owned up to Daughter and the hubby. I’m glad she’s still little and thinks a sorry should take care of everything. As for me I’m really glad that I accepted my mistake and hopefully learnt my lesson.

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4 thoughts on “When I yelled – Day 78

  1. Hugs MTW. We all have days like this. I have lost it for smaller things too. Feel so bad about the whole hw file part. How could a kid just take it like that to tease another ? Give daughter a good weekend and make up for it

    1. Thank you !! I wanted to smack the other kid too, but his mum was so sweet and seemed like the kid was also genuinely sorry…
      I’m also sorry for what you went through… I’m taking this space to reply … hugs to you too !!

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