Category Archives: Musings

Different People Different Emotions – Day 29

In a span of a few hours I witnessed so many different emotions on different people’s faces. Today we had some work in New York City. So while driving down to the station I saw people honking, cursing and driving dangerously to get to the station, typical weekday rush hour with impatience and urgency!!

Sitting in my window seat, whenever the train stopped at any station I saw people running to the train to get in. Then those who were at the far end looked hopeless and with every step closer to the train, I could see their hope. And the expression once they stepped in was priceless. At one point I started to almost pray for an older gentleman man at the very far end to be able to make it. I felt happy when he stepped in.

At the Indian consulate, I saw a couple who looked frantic because they needed an emergency visa to India. The girl looked very disturbed and later I found out her mum is in the ICU !! There was another family of 4 wanting an emergency visa to India as well. I saw not only worry but a feeling of helplessness too. But on the other hand I also saw the officials giving them assurance and hope that the work would be done soon.

Different people and so many different emotions. I was just a spectator watching at the world around me. Even though I’ll probably never see them again, tonight I just want to say a silent prayer especially for the two families!! I’ll never know what has happened in the hours since or what’ll happen but my prayers are with them !!

#Blogathon2019

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10 Years … Life Then n Life Now – Day 22

I think I’m finding this year’s Blogathon to be one of the most difficult ones. There have been numerous occasions where I thought I’ll just give up but here I’m on the 22nd day hanging in there. Whether I’ll survive till the 31st, remains to be seen.

Somehow this 10 year challenge had escaped my notice till a few days back. It could be because I’m honestly trying to stay away from FB or it could be simply because I’m probably unaware of a lot of things. Unlike in FB, I’m not posting any pictures here but I’ll share a glimpse of my life then and now.

So what has changed in these last 10 years. Hmmm… on the physical side I’ve gained oodles n oodles of weight. But on that same topic, I was overweight then and I’m still one now. So you can well imagine my state now. At least then I had an excuse of being a new mom.

Got myself a favorite new name, Mommy. Growing as a mum has been my greatest blessing. 10 years back she was an infant and now she’s becoming my best friend, confidant and partner in crime.

‘09, I was just about getting used to being called an auntie by little kids who are now taller than me. So even if I’m refusing to grow up at times, blatant reminders are hard to ignore.

In 09, we came to a beautiful suburban never-heard-of-before town called Greensburg, Pennsylvania which I hated then. Fast forward 10 years and a much wanted move, I now miss my sleepy town and all the familiarity of it.

Amidst these 10 years, I conquered my biggest fear… Something I never thought I could do. My only regret, my dad never got to see it.

10 years back, whenever we wanted to eat out the hubby wanted to explore different cuisines and I wanted to eat Chinese. 10 years later it’s pretty much still the same except now the Daughter makes the final call.

10 years back my mum was a homemaker and now she’s a proud businesswoman. Couldn’t be more proud of her !!

So much has changed in the last 10 years yet in certain ways it’s still the same. Daughter is still the center of my universe, I cannot think of the time before her. Hubby is still my anchor, my rock. I dread to think what I’d do without him. My mum is still my secret keeper, my best friend. She’s still the person I talk to every day with my morning coffee, even if it’s for a few seconds. My dad, I still talk to him every day. And as for me, I’m still the crazy, emotional, sentimental me !!

#Blogathon2019

Moving Day – Day 3

This is a post that is long overdue. But better late than never. For posterity sake I want to document this day since it started a new chapter in our book called life.

5/30/2018

Our home ready to be handed over

It felt weird. I had already packed 2 suitcases for us, which sat at the corner of our master bedroom. I cleaned our home for one last time. The house was empty and spotless.

Most of our good byes were done. Daughter still had half day of school the following day and she wanted to do finish that. She had a play date with friends in the neighborhood already scheduled for that evening. So with everything done the hubby and I decided to go and check in to a nearby hotel for our last night. Later in the evening, we picked up Daughter from her friend’s house. They hugged and gifts were exchanged. Even though the girls would meet each other the following day, they were all so emotional. Some of us moms were misty eyed too !!

It felt strange to hop on the car and not walk up the hill towards our house while leaving their home. Since she wanted to ride the bus one last time with her friends the following day, we had decided to stay in a hotel close to our neighborhood. So after grabbing dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant, we retired for the night.

5/31/2018 (The Day)

Customary last day of school pic

The next day dawned bright and sunny, we dropped Daughter at her bus stop. She was pretty upset and quiet. It was only a 2 hour school day and our house closing was scheduled for 12 noon.

Goodbyes are always hard

Quickly the hubby and I finished off the last few errands that we had kept for this time. Soon it was time for Daughter to get back and I with my mommy’s gut knew a meltdown was approaching. I was doing some last minute touch ups to our home which would soon be some one else’s and hubby went to pick her up. As the door flew open in a few minutes, sniffles followed by her flinging her little body on me and crying. Finally I heard the words I knew were coming, “Please mommy I don’t want to go… I love my school … I’ll miss my friends, I don’t want to go … this is our home….please we still have time let’s call them up and say we changed our minds and won’t sell our home … their boys will make my purple room blue… I don’t want it mommy” !! I held her and listened to all she had to say.

She had handled everything like a trooper up till now. And I had been expecting this for a long time. I cuddled her and told her it’s alright to feel sad. For once I didn’t tell her how she could write or FaceTime her friends. I knew she didn’t want to hear that. I told her we were very sad too. Somehow that helped her.

Soon we reached the realtor’s office where the closing was to take place. Our part of it was the easiest and they had us do it first since we were to drive away that very day. Keys were handed over and I did my best not to start bawling my eyes out in front of a room full of people. We wished them good luck and walked out.

We went to a restaurant to kind of celebrate an end to a special chapter and beginning of another. The three of us tried to cheer each other and made plans for the summer. That’s when hubby surprised the Daughter and me. He had booked a weekend getaway to the beach for the following day. Knowing we would be sad and the truck was supposed to arrive after the weekend, he thought it would be a good break after all the stress and living apart.

Daughter got super excited and I was touched by his thoughtfulness. He had secretly packed our swimsuits and Daughter’s boogie board in preparation for the trip. Planning surprises and weekend getaways aren’t his forte, so I could well imagine his efforts in keeping the secret and planning the whole thing. We started our 5 hour drive around 2 in the afternoon. This was a drive we often did to visit our friends so I knew this route well enough but it felt weird knowing we won’t drive back in a couple of days.

We reached our rented apartment around 7 in the evening. Hubby already had the apartment somewhat set up with basics. That night we slept good knowing that once again our family of three was back together. At the end of the day family is what actually matters and home is where the heart is ❤️.

#Blogathon2019

Takeaways from 2018 – Day 2

2018 has been a year of big changes and life lessons. Its also a year which has been extremely generous to us !! A year which has been very up beat and treated us good. A year where I’ve felt blessed on numerous occasions. A year I can truly say, was good.

While there is so much to write about the changes and the generosity but for this post I want to concentrate on my takes from the year gone by.

#1) NEVER SAY NEVER…. Out of all 50 states in the US there were 2 states I never wanted to live in. Inspite of having friends here, I was always good visiting. Whenever they said we should relocate the hubby and I said NEVER in unison !! Now no prizes in guessing which state we currently live in after our move !! Of course whether I’m liking it now that we live here is fodder for another post 😀😀

#2) BIG OR SMALL, YOU NEED TO PAY A PRICE….. While I preach this to Daughter at every opportunity I get but we had a good taste of it this last year. When hubby got this new job not only in his dream company but also the role he has forever wanted, I wish our price was just to relocate. Of course, by then we had resigned to the fact where we’re going to stay but the hard part was saying goodbye to a small town which had become home. Saying goodbye to the house which we had built. And the funniest part was, around 2 months into his new role we heard that there was requirement in our old city but by then our home was already sold :)!! Irony of life !!

#3) WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU OPPORTUNITIES YOU NEED TO BE PREPARED TO BE ABLE TO GRAB IT…. Basically you need to be one step ahead in your planning and preparation. I’m lousy at this but hubby deserves special mention since he tries to always keep himself ahead. Even though I often tease him for this but this time I’m enjoying the fruits of his preparations !!

#4) TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME ….. Sometimes when life throws you curve balls, you just need to be patient. Take little baby steps till you find your feet. Never lose hope and look for the silver lining in your cloud. While better tomorrows are never guaranteed but at least it’ll help you go through the bad days with hope and positivity.

#5) FAITH …. I’ve come to realize that I need something to cling to in times of murky water. I’m just not strong enough to believe in my own capabilities. I need to believe that someone is watching me and someone is hearing me. It helps me not lose my sanity and keeps me positive. I get strength from my faith.

These are some of my takeaways from the year 2018. I’ve honestly lived by some of these while others I’ve watched closely.

#Blogathon2019

Thursday – A Day for good bye

•The house is sold.

•The movers come in tomorrow morning to pack and the truck leaves by Wednesday night. After Wednesday our home will become a house till the new owners make it their own with fingerprints and spills, with laughter and tears.

•Thursday we close on our beautiful home and hand the keys over to the new owner.

•Thursday is also Daughter’s last day of school. A place where the walls hold precious memories of friendships and secret games. A place where once she dons the blue T-shirt, feelings of solidarity and pride reign supreme. Another goodbye to a place that was her second home.

•As I type this post I just realized that we had also closed on our home on a Thursday and we also hand over on a Thursday. It’s more or less the same legal jargon that we’ll sign on, except the emotions will be very different.

•Thursday is also going to be the day we drive off to a new beginning. It’s going to be one long emotional day for all of us.

A Little Lonesome

Conjoined at the hip for the last 17 years !! Yes that’s how the hubby and I are described. We have almost always been together. Luckily his last job didn’t require a lot of travel. And to top it off he’s been working from home a lot these past two years. So everything was perfect in our small world. While I heard a lot of complaints from friends whose husbands work from home, I loved it. Yes there were moments when I needed the space but all in all the arrangement worked great for us.

Even though he was always at his desk in his office, I would sit by on the chaise next to him and drink coffee without really talking. There were moments when I could just go and hug him. So when he landed his dream job, we knew things would not be the same. Actually saying ‘not be the same’ is underrating it…. let’s say things would change drastically!!

From early on we had decided that he would move first because we didn’t want Daughter to move in the middle of the year. And I also wanted to sell this house before we made the final move in summer. While planning about the stuff and taking the responsibilities I was all for it, but living it is a different ball game all together.

It’s just been 5 days since he’s left and Daughter and I are also visiting him next week but I still feel like it’s been an eternity. I miss him constantly and I’ve been dreading the weekend. The only good part is that Daughter will be home. The next two months are going to be extremely difficult.

Tomorrow I’ve planned on taking Daughter out to the mall. I’ll spend some time spoiling her with some shopping. She loves Justice and Claire’s. So that’s where we will be heading. And then we’ll go to lunch. Because this not-so-little Daddy’s Princess is not used to being without her daddy either. And I must say she’s being a trooper. It’s amazing how much responsible she’s become just because she knows that I’m by myself. I couldn’t be more proud!!

So on that happy note I’ll sign off. Hope you guys have a good weekend!!

Musings of My Mind

Finally the day is here!! The ‘For Sale’ sign is up on our front yard. AND I HATE IT !!!! It’s been a really emotional day for me. I knew it was going to be tough but I had no idea how much. I’m going through so many mixed emotions right now. I’m praying that the house sells fast yet I hate looking at the sign.

I’m excited for the hubby!! He has landed himself his dream job. I know he truly deserves it and I’m so proud of him. I also know this move is going to be good for our family. And it’s something we talked about for a long time. Yet today I feel I’m not ready. Deep down I feel kind of sad. I don’t know when it started but in these last 9 years this place has become Home. This is the place Daughter grew up. This place has so many ‘firsts’. After our hometown Kolkata, this is the place we’ve lived for so long. Familiar faces are everywhere – the stores, the mall, the school, the library, the post office, the restaurants that we frequent.

But I guess change is the new way of life nowadays. And we’re heading for some big ones. I’m sure the new place will grow on us as well and soon this laid back life of a small town will be a distant fond memory. Till then wish us luck as we transition to a new chapter!!

Home Sweet Home

Laying wide eyed in my bed I think of the first night we slept in this house. It was a Friday night and the hubby and I were super tired after a day full of shifting and running around. The Daughter was as usual chatting nineteen to a dozen sandwiched in between us. The guest bedroom bed was the only one we were able to assemble that day and we slept in that room the first night. The windows didn’t have any blinds and it was pure bliss to look out and see the clear blue sky dotted with innumerable twinkling stars. It was definitely one of the most magical nights of our lives. Sleeping in our own home that first night was a beautiful feeling. So many emotions mixed with the feeling of happiness made a magical concoction.

That was almost 3.5 years ago. Ever since we’ve made so many memories here. We’ve celebrated birthdays, hosted parties, had friends and family over, fought, cried, yelled and loved. If the walls could talk I’m sure they would tell you so many stories of our lives. We were blessed to call this Home our own.

So today as I was cleaning the house, scrubbing the floor, dusting every nook and cranny I felt so sad. This time cleaning was not being done for visiting guests neither was it a regular day of cleaning. This was different!! This time I’m cleaning for the real estate agents to come and look at our house. As I vigorously tidy up and try to brush off the feeling of sadness that’s creeping in me, I look at the wall where there are small pencil marks marking Daughter’s height at various points. I know those marks needs to go. I look at her purple room, a room that’s her sanctuary. The walls that she helped paint. While helping us paint her own room is one of Daughter’s most proud accomplishments, I’m sure the real estate agent will have a lot to say about our painting job.

It’s so strange that every spot, every mark every stain that others might see as imperfections I call them a memory.

Some day – Day 18

It’s such a beautiful feeling when a friend WhatsApps you a mail that you had written almost 17 years ago. It brought back a lot of fond memories. I haven’t met her in the last 17years. She stays in Bangalore and when I go to India, we always go to Kolkata. But somehow we’ve managed to stay in touch. The funniest thing is we were neighbors for only 3 short months and that’s the duration of our ‘real friendship’. Rest has been virtual. How I wish we could meet again. Probably some day somewhere we’ll definitely make our plan happen. Till then we’ll chat in this virtual world.

#Blogathon2018

Day 17

pic courtesy:fb

This has been my mantra since the end of 2017. Even though I questioned it in the beginning which only led to negativity and hopelessness. But soon I got over it and did the best in my capability.

Do I trust it completely ?? No !! But I’m trying. And the funniest thing is I’m not sure whether everything happens for a reason or not. When things are rosy and hunky-dory, you don’t really question anything. It’s only when you start swimming in a storm, that all these come to mind. And I definitely found solace and optimism when I think that everything has a reason. It helps my sanity. It gives me hope.

#Blogathon2018